As You Wish
by Scott Timms
Summary: Xander has a secret and Tara wants to find out what (My first fic R&R)


This fic is as a response to Jason's Tara/Xander challenge where instead of Tara telling Willow that "Xander's a Sweetie" she say's "Xander?, No, Xander's my sweetie"  
  
I live in New Zealand and have therefore seen only a couple of the early season Four programs, yet I'm writing this fic in Season Five. Forgive me for any irregularities, I've never even seen an episode with Tara in it (she does look pretty hot though).   
  
Title: As You Wish  
Disclaimer: I own nothing  
Summary: X/Tara  
Feedback: YES! My first ever romantic fic, my fist ever finished fic,   
Scotim@xtra.co.nz  
  
  
  
  
Willow looked at Tara concerned, "Xander's not making you uncomfortable is he?"  
  
Tara sighed and shook her head with a smile, "Xander? No, Xander's my sweetie."  
  
Willow raised one eyebrow, "You're sweetie?"  
  
Tara blushed slightly, "Well yeah, he's always the perfect gentleman when I'm around, he's funny, friendly" then Tara leaned in closer to Willow, "Although I have caught him staring at me discreetly from time to time" she giggled, "I think he's in awe to be near a real live lesbian."  
  
"Yeah, that sounds like Xander alright" Willow smiled, "I remember having a conversation with him when we were younger. He told me that lesbianism is the most natural thing in the world, like nudist's." At Tara's amused glance, "His words, not mine. At the time I argued with him, told him he was sick" Willow leaned in for a passionate kiss "How wrong I was."  
  
"So," Tara drawled leaning back on Willow's bed, "could you tell me a little bit about Xander?"  
  
Willow reclined next to her on the bed, "What do you want to know?"  
  
Tara frowned, "Well, what about his parent's, I asked him about them the other day and he just kind of closed up, it was weird. Very un-Xanderlike."  
  
"Xander's parent's?" Willow pondered, "I'm Xander's best friend and even I don't know that much about them. I've got suspicions though. There's something not right about the way they treat him. They might abuse him."  
  
Tara looked at Willow with the slightest tinge of anger, "Well why don't you report it."  
  
Willow sighed, "How? I never saw any obvious signs. Anytime I asked Xander about it he'd tell me to mind my own business. Then there was Jesse. He and Xander were really close, they told each other everything. When I asked Jesse about it he just told me to drop it, that if I interfered it'd just get worse. I still don't know what really happened. So what could I do?"  
  
Tara put a hand on Willow's shoulder and shook her head, "Don't worry it's not you're fault Wills. But from what you've told me, it's been over four years since Jesse died. Who's Xander been talking to?"  
  
"No-one I guess."  
  
"Well," Tara stated firmly, "that's going to change. I've been studying childhood trauma and abuse in my psychology class. It can scar you emotionally for life it you don't get it out into the open."  
  
Willow looked at Tara, "What are you going to do?"  
  
She smiled "I'm just going to talk to him."  
  
  
  
Tara knocked on Xander's door. It was around ten o clock at night and she'd decided there was no time like the present. Tara didn't know why she wanted to help Xander, she just knew it was something she had to do. It was a compulsion, she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep until she had at least tried.   
  
The door opened to a bleary looking Xander, his hair was in disarray and he was sans shirt. His chest was lightly tanned, hairless and extremely well defined. He was dead gorgeous. Not that Tara actually noticed that fact. No not at all.  
  
Xander squinted at her in a slightly questioning manner before asking, "Tara?"  
  
He'd obviously just gotten out of bed. Tara gave a nervous little wave and managed to stutter out "I'm sorry, I've come at a bad time I'll just . . . ." She made to go.  
  
"No!" Xanders voice came out a little louder than he anticipated and he cleared his throat nervously "I mean no, it's all right," he then gave her a charming smile "no time is bad for you," he motioned into his basement, "come on in" she complied.  
  
Tara looked around his basement as Xander pulled a shirt got off the floor over his head. It was . . . . . . . well to be honest it was a total mess. With clothes strewn around all over the place. It seemed that with Anya leaving him over two weeks ago he didn't see the point in cleaning it.   
  
He saw the direction of her stare as he walked back towards her and looked embarrassed, "Sorry about the mess, I wasn't expecting company, if I knew you were coming round I'd have" he shrugged, "you know."  
  
Tara gave him a teasing grin, "You'd have cleaned, for little ol me?"  
  
Xander grinned back at her, "Sure, but only for you."  
  
Xander cocked his head to one side, "Not that I'm complaining about having a beautiful woman come to visit me in the middle of the night, but, what are you doing here?"  
  
For a moment Tara was speechless, he called me beautiful. But then she regained her composure, "Ahh, yes, I was wondering if I could have a talk with you."  
  
"Sure," Xander answered clearing a space for her on the couch before settling himself on the edge of his bed, "shoot."  
  
She settled herself and then looked Xander straight in his eyes, "I was wondering if we could have a little talk about your parents."  
  
Xander physically flinched he clearly hadn't been expecting that, "No."  
  
Tara tried again, "Look Xander I've talked to Willow, she seems to think you're father abuses you. You really need to talk to somebody about it, it's not healthy to keep it locked up inside."  
  
He looked down at the ground, "There's nothing to talk about."  
  
Tara reached out and put a hand on his arm, "We both know tha . . . . . . ."  
  
Xander cut her off by getting up and pointed towards the door, "Please leave."  
  
Tara got up protesting as he led her towards the door, "Xander you don't have to do this."  
  
"Yes I do."  
  
By now Xander had led her out the door. She attempted once more, "Please Xander, I can help."  
  
Xander just looked at her sadly, "Why do you care?" then he was gone the door shutting firmly behind him.  
  
Tara just stood there his last word's echoing through her head, why do you care.   
  
If Xander had listened closely he might have heard a trembling voice filter through the door, "I just do."  
  
  
  
Some people when faced with a situation like this would give up. In fact most would because as the old saying goes "it's hard to help those who won't help themselves" but Tara is not one of those people. She was going to help Xander whether he wanted it or not.  
  
Xander glanced once again at the note in his hand.  
  
Xander  
Meet me 9pm my dorm  
I've got something to tell you  
Buffy  
  
He'd found it pinned to his door when he got home from work. Probably something slaying related, maybe another research drive, god knew how he "enjoyed" them.  
  
The door was open so he walked straight in, "Buffy?"  
  
He looked around the room no-one there, guess there was nothing to do but wait.  
  
  
  
Tara had seen Xander walk into Buffy's dorm room around a minute before. She held up the sheet memorizing it once again just to be sure. Yep. It was time.  
  
She walked up behind him and started chanting quietly while he was examining some of the pictures on Buffy's dresser. "Dulce Et Decorum Est, Itegral Mecc Dela Furl Tem." At that last word a ball of shimmering energy formed in her hands, before floating over to a wide eyed Xander and disappearing into his chest.   
  
He looked from Tara to his unmarked shirt then back again. "Tara," he inquire with exaggerated calmness, "what the fuck was that?"  
  
"A truth spell."  
  
Xander nodded slowly, "A truth spell?" He was quiet for a moment then before exclaiming "Oh shit!" and making his way to the door.  
  
But Tara stepped in front of him, "Where are you going?"  
  
"Home" Xander answered immediately.  
  
"Why?"   
  
Again the answer was instantaneous, "Because, I lo . . . . . ." he clamped his hand over his mouth in a panic.  
  
He pushed past her into the hall and started to leave when her words stopped him dead. "Only I can take the spell off"  
  
He slowly turned around to face her hand still covering his mouth. "And" she continued, "I'll only take it off if you tell me about you're family."  
  
She flashed him a determined grin. "I'm going to help you, you really have no choice. Either you tell the truth to me right now or you tell the truth to everyone you meet."  
  
He stood there for several seconds thinking hard before lowering his hand from his mouth.  
  
"I L . . . . . . . . ." he seemed to be struggling for words until he found what he wanted to say, "As You Wish."  
  
He followed her into the room and they sat on opposite bed's facing each other.  
  
Tara looked at him, "Are you ready?"  
  
He nodded, "As You Wish."  
  
He paused before taking a deep breath and beginning, "As you've probably figured out I don't have a great home life, and yes my father hits me."   
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because of Mom and because he hates me."  
  
"Tell me why Xander."  
  
Xander chocolate brown eyes looked straight into hers, "As You Wish Tara."  
  
"Mom's a lesbian, she wanted a girl, but could only have me. So she treated me like a girl." Xander laughed bitterly, "I didn't even realize I was a boy until my first day of kindergarten. Mom isn't really all there, she tried to teach me all the things a good little girl should know, and I mean everything. To all intents and purposes I thought I was a little six year old girl."  
  
"It all changed the day I met Jesse though, he really was my best friend. He undid everything that Mom had tried to do to me. Taught me how to be a boy. But of course by then the damage was already done. Dad had seen me in the dresses and stuff Mom put me in."   
  
Xander stared at his hand's fiddling them nervously, "At first he used to say that the beatings were to make a real man of me, his son wasn't growing up a sissy. But eventually he didn't need a reason. The fact that he hated me and liked torturing his only son were enough."  
  
Xander was looking worse and worse with every word. Tara quietly got up and sat next to him putting an arm around him and lending her support. "What did he do to you Xander?"  
  
Xander didn't even appear to hear her. "He was always careful you know. No permanent injuries, stay away from the face. He'd mostly only hit me with his fists bruising me all over. But then sometimes it was worse, he had this baseball bat" Xander shuddered, "It was never used for baseball. But that wasn't even the worst thing's you know. Eventually you get used to the pain, you numb yourself. No, what was really bad was the other stuff."  
  
He was silent seemingly lost in his thoughts, Tara nudged him, "Xander" no response, "I'm sorry Xander but you have to go on, tell me everything. Please!?"  
  
"As You Wish" he took a deep breath, "They were just spur of the moment things ya know. Like he'd lock me in the closet for a day and a half, or decide to give me dog-food for dinner. It was mostly just little things too small even to mention. But every so often he'd think up a doozy. The worst was my Seventh birthday he dressed up like a clown. Snuck into my room while I was sleeping, I woke up to see this clown standing above me grinning like a maniac. I was so scared I started screaming and crying, even pissed myself. Then to stop me he put a pillow over my face, I almost died that night. I have that nightmare every so often, there've been other's but that's my biggest fear."  
  
Tara nodded, "What about . . ." she tried again, "has he ever . . . . ." third times the charm, "Xander did your father ever sexually assault you?"  
  
Xander just stared dead ahead, "Once," he said in a voice devoid of all emotion, "he decided to give the little fag a taste of his own medicine."   
  
Something in his manner told her this was far worse than he was making out, "How old were you?"  
  
"Eight."  
  
Tara couldn't imagine the kind of damage that would've done to him emotionally. She just wanted to make all his hurt go away. He didn't deserve this. Tara took a deep breath and mustered up her courage "Xander" she inquired gently "does he still do these things to you?"  
  
At this Xander gave a little smile, "No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Xander looked at her calmly, "We came to an understanding, when I was 12 I got sick of it. Held a knife to his throat then woke him up. I told him if he ever touched me again I would cut it. I also told him if I was found dead under suspicious circumstances the police would be getting my diary, I'd given it too Jesse. He knew. We planned my liberation together."  
  
Xander looked her dead in the eyes, "Please could we talk about this later, I promise I won't brush you off again. Can't lie remember."  
  
Tara looked at him hesitantly before asking, "Xander you don't . . . . . " she trailed off before blurting out "you don't hate me for this do you!?"  
  
Xander looked at her tenderly, "I could never hate you Tara."  
  
Tara smiled brilliantly, "Okay just stay there I have to break the geas."   
  
"As You Wish."  
  
"El Tre Nocturn, Fulce El Com Ter Des."  
  
The ball of light withdrew out of Xander's chest and flew over to Tara's hand before dissipating.  
  
They both stood there awkwardly before Xander finally spoke up, "walk you home?"  
  
They continued in silence until Tara stopped outside a big imposing campus dorm block, "well this is it."   
  
Tara turned to go but Xander reached out and captured her hand in his. "Tara look, thank you, I needed to get that off my chest I just couldn't, just couldn't . . . . ."  
  
Tara unconsciously moved closer to him and breathed, "I know, don't worry about it." They looked into each others eyes only centimeters apart, then the gap started to close. Tara leant her head up and closed her eyes lips parted slightly.  
  
She felt Xander's hand come out and cup the side of her face in a tender gesture and she leant into his caress.   
  
Then Xander seemed to realize what he was doing and jumped back, "I'm sorry, I didn't, I mean" he turned and fled.  
  
While Tara just stood in the middle of the street cheek still tingling from Xander's touch.  
  
  
  
"So did it work?"  
  
Buffy and Tara were sitting the cafeteria. Tara had needed Buffy's help to write the note and so she'd have the room to herself while she did the spell. She'd promised to tell Buffy everything.  
  
Tara was still reeling from last night confused.   
  
"Did what work?"  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes, "That vibrator I lent you, what do you think," she tapped Tara's head, "Xander, the spell."  
  
Tara looked up, "Oh that yeah it worked."  
  
"So?"  
  
Tara sighed, "Look, I know I said I'd tell you everything he said but I'm going to have to go back on that. These are not things he'd want anyone else to know, I'm sorry."  
  
"Na don't worry" Buffy waved off disappointed.  
  
"There is one thing that's confusing me about last night though, maybe you could help me with it?"  
  
Buffy looked interested despite herself, "What?"  
  
"Well" Tara stated with a frown, "While under the truth spell last night he kept on saying these three words over and over again. 'As You Wish'."  
  
"As You Wish," Buffy repeated with wide eyes.  
  
"Yeah I'd ask him a question and he'd reply with 'As You Wish Tara' why, does it mean something to you?"  
  
Buffy just looked at her like she was crazy, "Ever seen a movie called The Princess Bride, Tara?"  
  
Tara shook her head, "No, I'm not really into movies."  
  
"Well it's one of Xander's favorites. I suggest you rent it out."  
  
Tara looked confused, "Why?"  
  
Buffy looked at her sympathetically, "Just do it, The Princess Bride, gotta go, later."  
  
Then Buffy hurried away.  
  
  
  
Tara had taken Buffy's advice and hired out The Princess Bride. The clerk at the video store had looked it over smiled and told her it was a classic.  
  
Tara took the video out of the cover inserted it, and settled down to watch the movie.  
  
It started with a grandfather telling a story to his sick grandson.  
  
Grandfather: Buttercup was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin. Her favorite past times were riding her horse and tormenting the farm boy that worked there. His name was Westley. But she never called him that, isn't that a wonderful beginning.  
  
Grandson: Yeah . . it's really good.  
  
Grandfather: Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around.  
  
********  
Buttercup: Farmboy, polish my saddle, I want to see my face shining in it by morning.  
  
Westley: As You Wish.  
  
********  
Grandfather: As You Wish was all he ever said.  
  
********  
[Buttercup holds out empty pails to Westley]  
  
Buttercup: Farmboy, fill these with water . . Please?  
  
Westley: As You Wish.  
  
As You Wish thought Tara, that's exactly what Xander was saying to me last night.  
********  
Grandfather: That day she was amazed to find that when he was saying "As You Wish" what he meant was "I Love You".  
  
Tara sat back stunned. "As You Wish" meant "I Love You". Xander loved her. That's why he'd looked so panicked when he first learnt a truth spell had been cast on him. He was afraid he might blurt it out.  
  
Xander's words and actions over the last few day's came back and flashed before her eyes.  
  
Xander staring at her discreetly.  
Xander cupping her face so gently.  
Xander shutting the door saying sadly "why do you care?"  
Xander looking at her tenderly "I could never hate you."  
  
. . . . . . .Xander gazing into her eyes "As You Wish Tara."  
  
She grabbed up her bag and left her dorm at a run, she had to have a talk to him.  
  
  
  
Xander was sitting in his basement moping. Ah country music, the music of pain. He'd come so close to telling Tara how he really felt last night. Truth is he'd always felt something when he looked at Tara, from the first moment he saw her she had an effect on him.   
  
She was everything he wanted in a woman, and so much more. She seemed to light up a room with her mere presence. For lack of a better word, she was perfection. No-one knew the real reason Anya had left Sunnydale, they just assumed she'd dumped him. But it was the other way around.  
  
He told her he loved someone else, she assumed it was Buffy. Then after verbally abusing and telling him he didn't have a shit show in hell, she left. Anya may have got the girl wrong but she was right about one thing, he didn't have a shit show in hell.   
  
He'd fallen in love with a lesbian.  
  
Thus goes Xander Harris's disastrous love life.  
  
  
  
Tara approached Xander's basement. She could hear the music drifting up out of his basement. Country.   
  
She didn't bother knocking just stormed right in. The basement was spotless, all clothes were put away, it even looked dusted. Tara stopped dead. I wonder, she thought, did he do this for me?  
  
She turned her gaze to Xander who hadn't noticed her come in. He was reclined back in the center of his bed, eyes closed mouthing along to the words of a Dolly Parton song.  
  
Tara walked over to his bedside table and clicked the stop button.  
  
Xander opened one eye quizzically and jumped a little at the sight of an angry looking Tara leaning over him.   
  
He attempted a smile, "Tara hi, god you scared the shit out of me."  
  
Tara just glared at him.  
  
He waved a hand in front of her face, "Hello, anyone there?"  
  
"You love me" it'd come out harsher than she expected, almost accusing.  
  
Xander chuckled nervously, "I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"As You Wish, Princess Bride ring any bells?"  
  
Xander's eyes darted nervously towards his VCR, "Nuh uh."  
  
Tara walked over and pressed eject before taking the video out and reading the title out loud, "The Princess Bride."  
  
Xander was trapped so he did the thing that any self respecting man would do. Ran and hid in his closet.  
  
Tara tried the door, it wouldn't budge.  
  
"Xander Harris you come out here right this minute!"  
  
A muffled reply came back, "No."  
  
Tara tried the door once again, "Why not?"  
  
"I don't want to be a rat!"  
  
Tara sighed in exasperation, "Xander I'm not going to turn you into a rat. Come on out."  
  
"Yeah, that's what you say and then "poof" goodbye Xander and hello cheese." He was silent for a second, "I'll only come out if you get rid of the glowy eyes."  
  
Glowy eyes? Tara looked in the mirror and sure enough her eyes were bright red and sending out a faint pulsing light. "Oh," she replied embarrassed "Sorry about that, it happens."  
  
Xander cautiously poked his head out. He seemed to think a while before speaking still from the safety of his closet, "Yes."  
  
"Yes?" Tara inquired.  
  
His chocolate brown orb's gazed deeply into her eyes. "Yes,. . . . . . . . . .I love you Tara. Ever since the first moment I saw you I was captivated by you're beauty. You're intelligent, funny, caring, and so much more, you're everything I ever wanted. I love you, and I'm in love with you with all my heart and soul." He closed his eyes and smiled softly, sadly, "I'm sorry," then retreated into the darkness of the closet.  
  
Tara silently opened the door and stared in at him. He was standing eyes still closed at the back of the closet. As Tara watched a single tear slid down his cheek. Without hesitation she reached up and brushed that tear away, cupping his face in much the same way he'd done to her last night.   
  
She moved closer to him as his eyes opened and he leaned into her caress. "You're sorry?" she leaned up until their mouths were only centimeters apart "I'm not."  
  
Then slowly she captured his mouth for a tender kiss. They lingered like that for a few moments before he responded in kind bringing his arm's up and around her so she was pressed firmly against him. They deepened the kiss, tongues sensuously exploring each others mouths. Probing and tasting. It felt like they stayed like that for an age before Xander pulled reluctantly back.  
  
Tara was still snuggled tightly against him so he was finding it a little hard to think. He rested his forehead against hers. "So, what does this mean?"  
  
Tara stretched luxuriating in the feel of being in Xander's arms. "I think" she purred "That this mean's I don't play for the other side exclusively."   
  
"But what about us are we a couple?"  
  
Xander sounded so insecure and scared, it was insanely cute, "Yes, Xander, you're all I want."  
  
He smiled brilliantly before leaning down, "Tara may I kiss you again."  
  
She smiled back up at him the happiest she'd ever felt, "As You Wish."  
  
THE END?  
Should I write a sequal?  



End file.
